An Early Self Note

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“You have been treating everyone at the office like a shit.”, somebody said to me one time at the church.

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It was in the evening, and I tried to absorb what was this someone just said with an open heart and big ears.

I thought about it when I was still working on something that evening. My body was a bit exhausted while my brain was a bit full from everything I faced that day. I was glad at the time I listened to what this someone said about me. It was such a reminder on what I perhaps didn’t realise I did. I sent a text to one of my colleagues minutes later just to figure out if she has the same opinion. Although I prefer us to keep texting about characters on Sex Education and when season 3 is going to start, receiving another thought from her in which she agreed at some points was such a good thing. When I looked down at people working under me, how I reacted in a stressful situation which it happens all the time, how perhaps my cheesy jokes won’t land as stupid jokes but hurtful ones, et cetera, et cetera.

On my way home I was still thinking about it. I’m living with a funny season called Harmattan right now when sometimes it gives me a free feverish vibe and the dust I hate. That evening around nine thirty I was in the car with an open window cause the AC is still faulty. Then I remember this sentence on reputation prologue written by Taylor Swift:

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.“We think we know someone, but the truth is that we only know the version of them that they have chosen to show us. We know our friend in a certain light, but we don’t know them the way their lover does.

Just the way their lover will never know them the same way that you do as their friend.”


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The prologue is amazing and geniusly written. The fact of what she mentioned in the first sentence was what has been stuck in my head from the first time I read. That is related to what this somebody who said I treated people like shit might have only seen the worst part of me where my best friends have found the best of me. And life will always give you two sides of the coin no matter what. I personally took the thought of hers as a lesson of self-reflection. I keep looking down at what I have ever done to people I knew from the past, people I didn’t really have strong connections in life with, people I met only a few hours and disappeared with a trace of memories, someone I called a stranger who just turned me might be to open to a new friendship after he first sent me “Hello.”, somebody who used to drive me who ended calling me “Fucking Indonesian!.”, somebody who used to drive me too which out of the blue called me on the phone just to greet with how are you in between, and another somebody and another somebody.

After I looked at how I had faced a different kind of human beings in my life through the best and the worst then I found a thought I should be stick to, always.

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“No matter what people think about you, look at you from a different angle they choose to stand from, they will always have their rights to either value or hate you. You will never can pleased everyone cause you were not born with that such of responsibility. You were not.

As for how they have their rights, you also have your own to be used to decide on how you want to value your life. Just remember that in life you will always have good and bad days, you will always meet kind and mean human beings, you will always face sadness and happiness, you will always have choices to be made for your dreams, you will always have choices to be a winner or a loser. Everything depends on you cause you are you.”.


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I took it as a reminder on what I actually see in a real life where I will always have a choice about who I want to be a friend with, a choice of being firm to change something wrong to the right even though people will hate me, to listen or to ignore to someone who talks something hurt yet I do not know her that much. Either to build a castle out of the bricks people throw at me, or crying out loud and ask for sympathy. What I know in life, when you are still having freedom to speak, freedom to react and stand on something right and say it loud without fear, freedom to choose what’s best for you, you are free. You are rich.

I ask myself to be firmer and stronger to life this time.

If I wish you a happy new year, I might be late aber kein Problem, I wish you a more prosperous one!

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