I’m Thankful I’m Still Breathing

Today is one of those days that broke my heart.


As a person who believes that the process to get to a place or a thing is more essential than the result itself, I still feel this is hard cause in the end, the result that matters. I might be strong enough to let it happened if it had to be happened like this.

Though I’m aware that it’s still not easy to accept a thing called failure.

A note to myself today is that I have to be ready for good and bad things may happen in my life. Sometimes I think that is the beauty of life when I can experience the ups and downs. I have failed today, gosh it feels bad!, yet I’m pretending that I’m okay. I know, what I need to do next is to get up and try it again because it is allowed to dream big. I may have to crawl, climb, fall, and cry for my dreams but what I know, as long as I’m breathing, God is with me.



Lagos, 9:23 PM.

When You Believe



I know how cheesy this post is titled, le pardon.

There is one quote I love from C.S. Lewis: “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream”. And you may know that I always love to surround myself with this magical word: dream.

People say you have two choices every morning, continue sleep with your dreams or wake up to chase them. So on Friday last week, I finally climbed and stood on another step to chase my long time dream. I want to challenge myself to be more fearless tho I have no idea how I will face some steps later, if you know what I mean. But hey, “it’s now or never, cause I ain’t gonna live forever”.



“So, do you really want to do it this year?”





I wanted to keep this for myself before but decided to share it on this blog as part of my journey. And in case you’re having a dream too, at least this post could push you gently to do the same: make progress, not just dreaming.



Did I say I have booked my ticket to Europe? :)



P.S. “it’s now or never, cause I ain’t gonna live forever” taken from It’s My Life by Bon Jovi.



The fact that I always hate to be older when a new year comes, there are few things left in my heart last year. Despite that I’m just a human like you, I did have ups and downs that right now I did realise they made 2016 was even more colorful.

Here are 16 personal thoughts of mine that worth to be remembered and to be grateful for on 2016:

1. Still healthy and that’s the most important I think

2. Got my very own house before 30 on January, though I still have a lot of homework to make it as close as I imagined what a real ‘home’ is

3. I couldn’t ask more than a complete family, though I did shock (and almost cried) with the fact that one of my sister was diagnosed with cancer just two days before I flew back to Africa, it didn’t stop me to be grateful for this life cause God is in control. There is a reason why I wrote the first statement the way it is because health is the real wealth

4. I did make a simply family vacation with my mom and my siblings came true. Had no regret though I thought about it since four years ago

5. Traveled to Japan alone and fell in love with the country (and I’m gonna back this year too! hopefully!)

6. Met with some travelers from different countries and became really good friends till right now. This makes me believe that there are still a lot of kind humans in this world

7. This may sound so cheesy (sorry) but bought a simple gold ring for my Mom as a gift was one the most simply beautiful thing I did this year. It wasn’t expensive (as I did wish I could buy a diamond, someday!) yet hopefully she knew how much I love her

8. There were few of my Mom’s siblings had passed away on 2016 and it made me realised that having a complete parents is the real gift I should thank more

9. Still had opportunities catching up and keeping the friendships with cool peeps but sad in the same time for the one I couldn’t meet (hello Giri, Atre, Yuriko!, we must meet this year mbak Ika!)

10. I found out the name of a place that the picture has been on my mind since I was kid called Hallstatt in Austria. A dream place where I want to spend the day by staring at the lake with a cup of hot chocolate in my hand (let’s see if this dream comes true this year!)

 11. The time when I was so restless whether I had to come back to Africa or not because I felt insecure to lead my department with less supports. I thought it was so scary but my decision to try made me believe more than ever that I’m strong enough to still stand in this country, working professionally

12. Had a courage to sing in front of people at Indonesian Embassy here, finally (:P)

13. I did Qur’ban after I was off on 2015, last year was the first I did outside Indonesia. I felt grateful for that

14. Made a little surprise with Winda and Maya for one our very best friend, Ruli, on his birthday by sending him a green tea cheese cake (oh fatty! :P). When I saw his face on the picture they shared on our chat-group, it made me think to do more often for more of my best friend (my new very good friend, too!)

15. Should I mentioned that 2 pictures liked by Alice Gao on IG was worth to be remembered cause she’s like a real star now? nah?




16. Still sharing pieces of my life on this blog with you guys :* (thanks for whosoever who pay a visit!)

17. Falling love with a stranger


Before I forget, I wish you a better New Year guys! Let’s see what 2017 has for us!





I always feel it is so right if on Sunday morning rain is falling. Just like now, when I woke up by 4am and found it was raining I had no choice but to be grateful. Sleeping on a comfortable bed, gloomy light from an old desk lamp, a fresh mind, and not feeling guilty cause I had ‘too early’ junk, Cadbury.

I’m here again, back to Lagos. After I went away for almost 45 days I finally have to face a real life, again. Even I realised I need few days to put myself as a normal person back from a mental-vacation, but I had one word that I kept in mind lately. It is “Carpe Diem”.

I admit that I heard “Carpe Diem” quite often but searched for the meaning after I read Andreas’s email (his interview is here). “Live your life to the full”. LIVE TODAY. Live and enjoy your life today, and we shouldn’t scare too much what is coming next. We had yesterday and never know what tomorrow will offer.

I’ve been trying to keep “carpe diem, carpe diem” every morning I have a new day to live in. And it seems work very well. Everytime I face a problem that stress me out, I’ll always take a deep breath and not to feel that this is the end of the world.

Carpe diem allows me to do the best I can do today and keep dreaming. I do believe that dream is one of the key reason why we are alive. To chase it, to work for it, to make it real. By dreaming we have a goal what to achieve. To achieve the goal we have to be focus.

I’ve been working on my goals for next year. And roughly, I have three.






Those are my focus for next year.


This is the first thing first. I can’t wait anymore to see Europe. I have to see her beauty with my naked eyes. Though I know this sounds OMG, but I’ll try as much as I can to make my one-month Euro-trip possible. Look at me like a foolish, or call me a goofydreamer?, but I’ll extend 45 days if it possible.

Confession : After my short stay in Japan, traveling is such a marijuana. And I don’t mind if I overdosed with marijuana in Europe (not a real marijuana, you know!).


Yes, as you know guys, I’m grateful I could buy my own house before 30!. It was one of the highlight of my life. UnFortunately I have to finish few things and why this is UH!, cause I hate to remember that I need a lot of money for these. Building the white cute rustic kitchen, extend my bathroom a bit larger, cute landscaping with my favourite plants (I must have two Agaves!), and sure the most exciting part is buying the furnitures. This sounds so exciting, right? Finding something cute at IKEA, or somewhere cheaper, maybe some at flea-market.

Confession : When I look at my wallet right now, I just have to take a deep breath and say “take it easy but still, focus Zis!”


This is another thing I want to achieve. Oh Azis, you’ll always mention that your dream is Paris, yes? BIG YES! but speaking in French is my long-time dream if I remember. You can say how mainstream I am by agree that French is so sexy, but truly, I’ll feel sexier if I can speak three languages. It seems impossible I can attend a French class while I’m here since my whole life is for my work. Even “Le Bon Mot” apps on my iPhone can’t help so much for a practice. So, the final option is come home to Indonesia, take my life slower and learning French.

Confession : I always say I hate to hear if somebody can speak more that 2 languages fluently cause I can’t (this including you, Andreas, and maybe when I heard Arya spoke in Japanese when we took lunch in Kyoto!), so no option for you Azis, take your own class!


What should I say to end this post?

Work? Focus? Work and focus?

Or maybe this,


“Live your life today, keep working and focus to your dreams. You own your future”, sounds nah?

It Was Amazing

I couldn’t remember exactly when I knew Yui, what I remember I fell in love with her song titled Tokyo years ago. I couldn’t even remember too, how many times I played Tokyo. Maybe a thousand times? or a million?

“Everytime I put my headphones on, I imagine about Tokyo”

Japan has been on my top list of the country on earth I’d like to visit at least before I die. And I feel beyond grateful I could make it this year. I just came back from a very short stay and I have to admit…



I have a ton of stories about this trip. From a little drama I had when I renewed my passport, first time I landed in Tokyo and got confused with its train systems, and all the moments that left in my heart and sounds it’s hard to move on.

I’ll gather all my beautiful memories about Japan and share it here very soon.



I’m Home


Saya bahkan tak tahu harus menulis apa di blog ini :| karena baru bisa update mendekati berakhirnya Juli. Been very busy sih sejak landed di Indonesia 7 Juli kemarin. Dan benar saja, setiap kali sadar hari semakin mendekati akhir bulan, saya masih saja khawatir hari ini harus selesai apa dan besok harus kemana.

I'm Home2

Tapi jika saya perhatikan apa yang saya lalui dalam dua minggu lebih di Indonesia kali ini jauh lebih efisien dari tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Beberapa rencana jauh-jauh hari has been accomplished. Seperti liburan ke Bali dengan Ibu dan kakak yang memorable :), kemarin juga sudah menghabiskan dua hari dengan sahabat-sahabat SMA which was quite memorable juga, mengurus beberapa kerempongan kehilangan akte lahir dan ijasah sarjana which was bikin rempong pake banget! (tapi akhirnya ketemu), cafe hopping, bertemu dengan beberapa sahabat di injury time, keliling Surabaya, dan menikmati hal-hal kecil yang dulu belum sempat saya nikmati.

I’ll try to do a lot of things selama di sini sebelum kembali ke Afrika untuk tahun terakhir. Iya, tahun terakhir :), Anda tidak salah baca kok. Dan tentu, I’ll try to update this blog very soon dengan beberapa postingan yang saat ini masih ada di kepala :P.


Semoga saya tidak malas yaaaaa! :D





Sebelas Mei

Saya termasuk seorang yang menikmati hampir segala jenis musik. Dari soft rockballad, pop, country, reggae, klasik, etnik, bahkan dangdut. Iya, dangdut (bukan dangdut jaman sekarang ya, dangdut tahun 80-90an :)). Asal mendapati lagu yang enak didengar, pasti saya nikmati. Mungkin hanya jenis musik metal yang ga nyambung buat saya, pernah sekali mencoba menikmati setiap dentumannya, tapi well, I couldn’t lie I didn’t enjoy it. Hiks.

Dari sekian jenis musik, bagi saya ballad adalah yang paling enak didengar, lebih-lebih jika lagunya macam ballad acoustic. Mungkin karena personality yang cenderung quite dan tak suka hingar-bingar, lagu-lagu ballad selalu memiliki tempat di iPhone. Ada satu lagu dari album 25 milik Adele yang langsung mengena saat pertama kali mendengarnya, A Million Years Ago. Lagu itu konon ditulis Adele untuk mengungkapkan bagaimana hal-hal sederhana bisa pudar karena hingar bingar kesuksesan. Orang-orang terdekat yang perlahan menjauh, sikap dan pandangan sekitar yang berubah, hingga rasa rindu pada seorang Ibu, sahabat dan udara bebas. Salah satu lirik yang paling mengena dari lagu itu adalah ini ;


Lirik di atas seakan menegaskan apapun yang kita pilih di dunia ini semua ada resiko dan harga yang harus dibayar.

Saya kerap merasakan hal yang sama. Memilih bekerja dan hidup di negeri orang, jauh dari semuanya. Mau tak mau saya harus menikmati tantangan dan pekerjaan di sini, merasakan pahit manisnya hidup sebagai perantau meski sering merasa sepi. Yang kerap berbangga hati tiap berhasil menyenangkan orang-orang tersayang dari jerih payah sendiri. To earn my stripe I’d have to pay and bear my soul.



Pagi ini saya bangun bersama kenyataan yang seringkali makes me restless. Umur bertambah dan kali ini menginjak angka yang semakin mendekati tiga puluh. Saya akui saya sering merasa restless dan insecure tiap kali bertambah umur. Seringkali merasa masih lari di tempat, belum berada di titik yang seharusnya, belum menginjak Eropa, menikah, dan bayang-bayang kelabu lainnya. Tapi sekarang, saya mencoba berdamai dengan diri untuk lebih dewasa baik dari sikap dan pemikiran. Tidak merasa resah berlebihan akan jalan masa depan dan berusaha hidup dengan rasa syukur dan keyakinan.

Bukankah bertambahnya umur adalah hadiah dari-Nya agar saya bisa merayakan hidup lebih panjang lagi? Bersama orang-orang penting yang telah Tuhan kirimkan untuk mewarnai hidup bak pelangi? :)


Meski sebelas Mei kali ini berjalan tanpa perayaan warna-warni, tapi saya amat bersyukur karena banyak hal manis yang saya terima sedari pagi. Ucapan-ucapan selamat dari sahabat-sahabat dekat, keluarga, rekan-rekan kerja, pun beberapa teman-teman di luar sana yang bahkan belum pernah bertatap muka. Dari ucapan jenaka kemarin hari (Yuriko!), wishes via WhatsApp (thank you mas Andhi, oh I heart your wishes Tre!), Line (oh Geng Sugeh :*), Twitter (mbak Ririn :*), Facebook yang jelas-jelas notif tanggal lahir sudah saya matikan dari bulan lalu tapi kok ya masih kebaca :|, serta wishes via telepon yang baru saja saya terima dari seorang yang pernah menjadi teman kerja di sini (thank you Aunty Funmi!).

Oh, and this beautiful piece for sure :)


It really, really means a lot for me. I wish them the same, a beautiful and blessed life ahead.

And I should say a ton of thanks to my parents yang telah melahirkan saya ke dunia. Merawat, membimbing, dan mendoakan setiap malam hingga tumbuh seperti ini. Semoga, anak ragilmu ini semakin cemerlang ya, agar bisa membahagiakan lebih sering lagi :) (oh Gosh, I know this last sentence is so tacky :P).





Lagos, 9 : 20 pm.

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